Ramblings, II.

When I picture my future, I see children. That's a no-brainer. I think I've always wanted lots and lots of kids. When I was younger, I was absolutely fascinated with the McCaughey septuplets. I would make my mom buy me every Ladies' Home Journal that they were featured on, and scoured the Internet for articles and pictures about them. I thought it was so amazing that people could have so many babies at once. I've had baby fever since I was about 8 years old, and it seemed like a dream come true to have a house filled with the blissful sounds of infants.

Now, being older and a little wiser, I know better that to romanticize the risks of multiple births, though they are still fascinating to me. I would never want to put my childrens' lives in danger by having so many at once (though I also don't begrudge those who have multiples, and commend them for not choosing to reduce), but the thought of having lots of little children at once is still something I would love. Crazy? Heck yes. But seriously, the time I spend with my niece and nephew, especially in their infant days, are some of my happiest memories. I just love everything about babies.

When I picture my future, it's easy to see children. It's easy to see a house full of toys and a backyard swingset and piles of laundry and cribs and blankets. It's the husband that's difficult to see. I always wanted to be a young mom, and I feel like that dream is slipping quickly away from me. I'm nowhere near marriage. I'm hardly even casually dating! I guess, because I'm still pretty young, it's hard to find someone who is ready to settle down and start having children. Not that I look at a husband just as a means to an end, a way to have kids. I want the right man. But in this day and age, it is so hard to even know where to look. I'm so busy, and so shy- how am I even going to find someone who wants the same things as me? Who would be willing to adopt? Willing to adopt a special-needs child? Someone who shares my love for the Lord, who understands my commitments as a teacher, and who loves me just how I am? I've tried the online thing- I hate it. And I certainly don't want to go looking for the future Mr. Teacher Girl in a bar!

I guess I should also say how thankful I am that there are agencies out there who allow single mom adoption. I can't lie, I've thought about it. I'm still too young to adopt, and that's probably a very good thing, because I can't guarantee I wouldn't be working towards committing to a Reece's Rainbow child, and I know that is something I'm not ready for. I feel like God is working in my heart, getting me ready for whatever He has planned for me. But I also know that I am not ready yet. Well, in a lot of ways I am. But in some very important others, I know I need to wait, as hard as that is.

Thanks for getting this far, if you made it through my jumbled thoughts!