Ramblings.

Sometimes I think that if I let myself get bogged down by all of the horrible things in the world, I would literally go insane. There are huge problems out there- poverty, homelessness, child abuse, animal abuse, murder, gangs- and then there are the problems sitting right on my kitchen counter, in my bedroom, in my heart. Things that, if I let myself think about too much, I start to break down.

Parts of me are broken.

The small things are small, but when they add up, they seem overwhelming. I've gone through a lot of loss and a lot of heartache. Who hasn't? It seems selfish to let myself feel sad because of the things I've gone through. I almost feel guilty about it. Yesterday I got some surprising news, and it just stopped me cold. It isn't a tragedy and it isn't even horrible, but to me it's like another little crack in my already shaky foundation.

There are times when I have to stop myself before I slip away. Away into my self-pity and guilt and general unhappiness. Because I AM a happy person. But there are things that have been done to me and things I've done to myself, little secrets I keep deep down, that sometimes try and creep up and surprise me. And sometimes they catch me off guard, and momentarily, I let them win.

But the thing is, God never leaves me. Sometimes I just have to allow myself to ask Him to take it all away, and allow myself to feel the peace that was always there, but that I didn't let myself see.

In the grand scheme of things, I feel almost whiny to even be posting this. There are things in the world, huge things, TRAGEDIES that I feel like I should spend my energy thinking about. How to get every orphan into a loving home. How to make sure the people in my sponsor child's family aren't starving. How to make sure my students aren't leaving school hungry and coming to school hungrier.

Sometimes it seems like too, too much. But I know that God never gives out more than we can handle, and that He has gone before us and knows the road we will take. Sometimes that just has to be enough.

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On a much lighter and HAPPIER note, Carson has a family!!!! I am so, so happy and thankful and cried tears of absolute joy when I read the news. I can't wait to share more! Congratulations, Carson! <3

Well, darn.

It turns out that I signed up to be a Christmas Warrior too late and that all the children were all spoken for. Now, that of course is something to CELEBRATE!!! I'm just sad I don't get to be one. Oh well, there's always next year, I suppose! I still want to do something special for one of these children for the holiady season, in lieu of gifts for myself that I don't need. I'm incredibly blessed and don't need much. These children need so much, I only feel right trying to do something for them.

I'm thinking of sticking with the child I had originally signed up to Warrior for and advocate for him this holiday season. I mean, there can't be harm in raising awareness and more funds for him, right? Let me know what you all think. I don't want to step on toes!

Also, do you guys see the picture of little Carson on my sidebar? Isn't he just the most precious thing you have ever seen?! Oh, how I love him. My heart just filled up when I laid eyes on him for the first time. There is just something so special about that boy. I pray hard that he finds a family soon! He needs one, guys. Spread the word and click his adorable face to learn more and grab his button. I just wish I could bring him home myself!

That's all for now- I hope everyone is having a great start to the work week!